KAREN [Names have been changed to respect confidentiality.]

When I was in my mid-twenties, I lived with my boyfriend, who later would become my first husband. A few months after we moved in together, I became pregnant. I wasn't prepared for this. My reputation was at stake, and I didn't want to bring further shame and embarrassment to my parents who were not happy about me living with my boyfriend. My boyfriend did offer to marry me, but I didn't want to get married just because I was pregnant. I was experiencing so much fear and anxiety, that the only solution I could think of was to have an abortion.

I had the abortion. No one knew what I had done except the doctor, my boyfriend and myself. Every day for the next two years I could not stop thinking about my abortion, or the child that would have been born. In the mean time my boyfriend and I eventually married; but shortly thereafter I discovered his affair with another woman. It was during this very hurtful time of my life when God used my younger sister to confront me with the gospel. I had become angry and bitter towards my husband and recounted all the wrong things he had done to me. "Yes, you were sinned against," was her response, "but did you know that you too have sinned? Sinned against God." Me? A sinner? But, he's the adulterer.

As she continued to share that all have sinned and are in need of God's forgiveness, my self-righteousness grew into sorrow as I remembered the many sins that I had committed. I was a sinner, deserving God's wrath. Romans 5:8-9 says "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him!" What good news! I prayed and asked God's forgiveness that day, and thanked Him for his son's sacrifice on my behalf, and began living a life that would honor God. By God's grace, I was able to forgive my husband. However, his unfaithfulness kept him away from our marriage and we finally divorced.

I joined a post-abortion Bible Study organized by the Pregnancy Help Center. It was through this Bible study that I was able to come to terms with my abortion-to grieve, to recognize my selfishness, to forgive my ex-husband, and to be free from the guilt and secret I'd hidden for so long. Psalm 103 says "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." God has healed me and forgiven me. There is no more pain no more anger, no more guilt, no regrets.